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Page One
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"A lie can travel half way around the world while the truth is putting on its shoes." -- Mark Twain
"Be careful when a naked person offers you their shirt off their back." -- Maya Angelou
"Make the most of yourself for that is all there is of you." -- Ralph Emerson
"The problem with the future is that it keeps turning into the present." -- Hobbes, Attack of the Deranged Mutant Killer Snow Goons
"Sometimes I think the surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that none of it has tried to contact us." -- Calvin, Weirdos from Another Planet!
"Can't rain all the time..." -- The Crow
"Slimy yet satisfying." -- Pumbaa, The Lion King
"Did he have a light saber?" -- Dana Scully, 'Small Potatoes', X-Files
"We can't all be heroes because someone has to sit on the curb and clap as they go by." -- Will Rogers
"To err is human, but when the eraser wears out ahead of the pencil, you're overdoing it." -- J. Jenkins
"The only constant in this reality is that there are no constants. Anything can happen, anything can not happen." -- Jason Reynolds
"When people are free to do as they please, they usually imitate each other." -- Eric Hoffer
"Don't worry about life too much, because you won't live to see the end of it." -- Bugs Bunny
"I can't remember all the times I tried to tell myself to hold on to these moments as they pass." -- Counting Crows
"For something to live, another thing must often be sacrificed." -- Albert Holsteen, 'Paper Clip', X-Files
"If coincidences are just coincidences, why do they feel so contrived?" -- Fox Mulder, 'Clyde Bruckman's Final Repose', X-Files
"When someone says, "How-do-you-do," just say that you didn't." -- Eeyore
"They're funny things, Accidents. You never have them till your having them." -- Eeyore, The House at Pooh Corner
"Some men see things as they are and ask 'Why?'. I dream things that never were and ask 'Why not?.'" -- Robert F. Kennedy
"We all go a little mad sometimes." -- Norman Bates, Psycho
"It's difficult to work in a group when you're omnipotent." -- Q, 'Deja Q', Star Trek: The Next Generation
"In the beginning, the universe was created. This has made a lot of people very upset and been generally regarded as a bad move." -- The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy
"It's not that I'm afraid to die, I just don't want to be there when it happens." -- Woody Allen
"Don't use a big word where a diminutive one will suffice." -- Unknown
"A myth is a religion in which no one any longer believes." -- James Feibleman
"Life is just one damned thing after another."-- Elbert Hubbard
"I don't know the key to success, but the key to failure is trying to please everybody." -- Bill Cosby
"Love? What does love have to do with marriage?" -- Londo Mollari, 'The War Prayer,' Babylon 5
"If you don't know where you are going, you will probably end up somewhere else." -- Lawrence J. Peter
"The bureaucratic mentality is the only constant in the universe." -- Dr. Leonard McCoy, Star Trek IV: The Voyage Home
"Sometimes I think I'd be better off dead. No, wait. Not me, you." -- Jack Handey
"There is no reason for any individual to have a computer in his home." -- Ken Olson, President, Digital Equipment, 1977
"Politics is supposed to be the second oldest profession. I have come to realize that it bears a very close resemblance to the first." -- Ronald Reagan
"Some of the world's greatest feats were accomplished by people not smart enough to know they were impossible." -- Doug Larson
"Whenever I hear the sparrow chirping, watch the woodpecker chirp, catch a chirping trout, or listen to the sad howl of the chirp rat, I think: Oh boy! I'm going insane again." -- Jack Handey
"Human beings are the only creatures that allow their children to come back home." -- Bill Cosby
"Verbing weirds language." -- Calvin
"Most people are other people. Their thoughts are someone else's opinions, their lives a mimicry, their passions a quotation." -- Oscar Wilde
"Few things are harder to put up with than the annoyance of a good example." -- Mark Twain
"It is no measure of health to be well adjusted to a profoundly sick society."-- Krishnamurti
"Equal opportunity means everyone will have a fair chance at being incompetent." -- Laurence J. Peter
"The nice thing about standards is that there are so many of them to choose from." -- Andrew S. Tanenbaum
"You are not who you think you are. You are not even who others think you are. You are who you think others think you are." -- Elizabeth Malkin
"Imagination is the one weapon in the war against reality." -- Jules de Gaultier
"Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former." -- Albert Einstein
"All the world's a stage and most of us are desperately unrehearsed." -- Sean O'Casey
"Reality is a crutch for people who can't cope with drugs." -- Lily Tomlin
"A conservative is a man who sits and thinks, mostly sits." -- Woodrow Wilson
"Good judgment comes from experience, and experience comes from bad judgment." -- Barry LePatner
"All truths are easy to understand once they are discovered; the point is to discover them." -- Galileo Galilei
"It is better to know some of the questions than all of the answers." -- James Thurber
"Often it does seem a pity that Noah and his party did not miss the boat." -- Mark Twain
"If you ever fall off the Sears Tower just go real limp because maybe people will think you're a dummy and try to catch you because, hey, free dummy." -- Jack Handey
"Wise men talk because they have something to say; fools, because they have to say something." -- Plato
"Not only is life a bitch, it has puppies." -- Adrienne E. Gusoff
"We need to learn to look past our race, color, creed, religion and sexual orientation so we can hate each other for who we really are!" -- Cory Blystone
"Life is a moderately good play with a badly written third act." -- Truman Capote
"I know not with what weapons World War III will be fought, but World War IV will be fought with sticks and stones." -- Albert Einstein
"The trouble with our times is that the future is not what it used to be." -- Paul Valery
"Do not condemn the judgement of another because it differs from your own. You may both be wrong." -- Dandemis
"Life is what happens while you are making other plans" -- John Lennon
"The man who doesn't read good books has no advantage over the man who can't read them." -- Mark Twain
"Don't tell people how to do things. Tell them what to do and let them surprise you with their results." -- George Patton
"Ninety percent of everything is crap." -- Theodore Sturgeon
"I'm living so far beyond my income that we may almost be said to be living apart." -- e e cummings
"Television has done much for psychiatry by spreading information about it, as well as contributing to the need for it." -- Alfred Hitchcock
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These Next few Quotes are from Life's Little Instruction Book... (Which is a great book and everyone should own it. It is by H. Jackson Brown, Jr. and costs about six dollars, but gives you 511 little suggestions to help you out in life!)
"Never give up on anybody. Miracles happen everyday."
"Learn to listen. Opportunity sometimes knocks very softly."
"Never deprive someone of hope; it might be all they have."
"Never waste an opportunity to tell someone you love them."
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