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Page Two
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"If the facts don't fit the theory, change the facts." -- Albert Einstein
"It's not true that life is one damn thing after another; it is one damn thing over and over." -- Edna St. Vincent Millay
"Crime does not pay... as well as politics." -- Alfred E. Newman
"The best way to keep one's word is not to give it." -- Napoleon Bonaparte
"Everything you can imagine is real." -- Pablo Picasso
"Millions long for immortality who do not know what to do with themselves on a rainy Sunday afternoon." --Susan Ertz
"What luck for rulers that men do not think." -- Adolf Hitler
"Never eat more than you can lift." -- Miss Piggy
"I believe in equality for everyone, except reporters and photographers."-- Gandhi
"Never let your sense of morals get in the way of doing what's right." -- Isaac Asimov
"Education's purpose is to replace an empty mind with an open one." -- Malcolm S. Forbes
"People ask for criticism, but they only want praise." -- Somerset Maugham
"You probably wouldn't worry about what people think of you if you could know how seldom they do." -- Olin Miller
"Someday I want to be rich. Some people get so rich they lose all respect for humanity. That's how rich I want to be." -- Rita Rudner
"For a list of all the ways technology has failed to improve the quality of life, please press three." -- Alice Kahn
"Red meat is NOT bad for you. Now blue-green meat, THAT'S bad for you!" -- Tommy Smothers
"I don't give a damn for a man that can only spell a word one way." -- Mark Twain
"Nothing is impossible. Some things are just less likely than others." -- Jonathan Winters
"He who asks is a fool for five minutes, but he who does not ask remains a fool forever." -- Old Chinese Proverb
"There are two kinds of people, those who finish what they start and so on." -- Robert Byrne
"My theology, briefly, is that the universe was dictated but not signed." -- Christopher Morley
"Correct me if I'm wrong, but hasn't the fine line between sanity and madness gotten finer?" -- George Price
"Man invented language to satisfy his deep need to complain." -- Lily Tomlin
"A good listener is usually thinking about something else." -- Kin Hubbard
"The perfect girl is like a shot of novicaine: no matter how hard you try, you can't help but drool." -- Brandon Hoang
