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DON'T READ THESE unless it's OK to laugh out loud!These comments come from test papers and essays submitted to science and health teachers by elementary, junior high, high school, and college students and compiled at the NEA Life Sciences Symposium, Kansas City,Kansas. As the originator noted, "It is truly astonishing what weird science our young scholars can create under the pressures of time and grades." Please note that the original spelling has been left intact.
1. "The body consists of three parts - the branium, the borax, and
the abominable cavity. The branium contains the brain, the borax
contains the heart and lungs, and the abominable cavity contains the
bowels,of which there are five - a, e, i, o, and u."2. "Nitrogen is not found in Ireland because it is not found in a
free state."3. "H2O is hot water, and CO2 is cold water."
4. "To collect fumes of sulphur, hold a deacon over a flame in a
test tube."5. "When you smell an oderless gas, it is probably carbon monoxide."
6. "Water is composed of two gins, Oxygin and Hydrogin. Oxygin is
pure gin. Hydrogin is gin and water."7. "Three kinds of blood vessels are arteries, vanes and
caterpillars."8. "Blood flows down one leg and up the other."
9. "Respiration is composed of two acts, first inspiration, and then
expectoration."10."The moon is a planet just like the earth, only it is even
deader."11."Artifical insemination is when the farmer does it to the cow
instead of the bull."12."Dew is formed on leaves when the sun shines down on them and
makes them perspire."13."A super saturated solution is one that holds more than it can
hold."14."Mushrooms always grow in damp places and so they look like
umbrellas."15."The pistol of a flower is its only protections agenst insects."
16."The skeleton is what is left after the insides have been taken
out and the outsides have been taken off. The purpose of the
skeleton is something to hitch meat to."17."A permanent set of teeth consists of eight canines, eight
cuspids, two molars, and eight cuspidors."18."The tides are a fight between the Earth and moon. All water
tends towards the moon, because there is no water in the moon, and
nature abhors a vacuum. I forget where the sun joins in this fight."19."A fossil is an extinct animal. The older it is, the more extinct
it is."20."Equator: A managerie lion running around the Earth through
Africa."21."Germinate: To become a naturalized German."
22."Liter: A nest of young puppies.
23."Magnet: Something you find crawling all over a dead cat."
24."Momentum: What you give a person when they are going away."
25."Planet: A body of Earth surrounded by sky."
26."Rhubarb: A kind of celery gone bloodshot."
27."Vacuum: A large, empty space where the pope lives."
28."Before giving a blood transfusion, find out if the blood is
affirmative or negative."29."To remove dust from the eye, pull the eye down over the nose."
30."For a nosebleed: Put the nose much lower then the body until the
heart stops."31."For dog bite: put the dog away for several days. If he has not
recovered,then kill it."32."For head cold: use an agonizer to spray the nose untill it drops
in your throat."33."To keep milk from turning sour: Keep it in the cow."