Hickphonics
Oakland tried to cash in with the Feds by labeling Black slang, "Ebonics," as a language.  The southern states have decided to pursue some of that endless taxpayer money pipeline through Washington by designating Southern slang, or "Hickphonics," as a language to be taught in all Southern schools. A speaker of this would be a Hickophone. Here are excerpts from the Hickphonics/English dictionary:

HEIDI - noun.  Greeting.

HIRE YEW - Complete sentence. Remainder of greeting.
Usage: "Heidi. Hire yew."

BARD - verb.  Past tense of the infinitive "to borrow."
Usage:  "My brother bard my pickup truck."

JAWJUH - noun.  A state just north of Florida.  Capital is Lanner.
Usage:  "My brother from Jawjuh bard my pickup truck."

BAMMER - noun.  The state just west of Jawjuh.  Capital is Berminhayum.
Usage:  "A tornader jes went through Bammer an' left $20,000,000  in improvements."

MUNTS - noun.  A calendar division.
Usage:  "My brother from Jawjuh bard my pickup truck, and I ain't herd from him in munts."

THANK - verb.  Ability to cognitively process.
Usage:  "Ah thank ah'll have a bare."

BARE - noun.  An alcoholic beverage made of barley, hops, and yeast.
Usage:  "Ah thank ah'll have a bare."

IGNERNT - adjective.  Not smart.  See "Arkansas native."
Usage: "Them N-C-TWO-A boys sure are ignernt!"

RANCH - noun.  A tool used for tight'nin' bolts.
Usage:  "I thank I left my ranch in the back of that pickup truck my brother from Jawjuh bard a few munts ago."

ALL - noun.  A petroleum-based lubricant.
Usage:  "I sure hope my brother from Jawjuh puts all in my pickup truck."

FAR - noun.  A conflagration.
Usage:  "If my brother from Jawjuh don't change the all in my pickup truck, that things gonna catch far."

BAHS - noun.  A supervisor.
Usage:  "If you don't stop reading these Southern words and git back to work, your bahs is gonna far you!"

TAR - noun.  A rubber wheel.
Usage:  "Gee, I hope that brother of mine from Jawjuh don't git a flat tar in my pickup truck."

TIRE - noun.  A tall monument.
Usage:  "Lord willin' and the creek don't rise, I sure do hope to see that Eiffel Tire in Paris sometime."

RETARD - Verb.  To stop working.
Usage:  "My grampaw retard at age 65."

TARRED - adverb.  Exhausted.
Usage:  "I just flew in from Lanner, and boy my arms are tarred."

FAT - noun, verb.  1. a battle or combat.  2. to engage in battle or combat.
Usage:  "You younguns keep fat'n, n' ah'm gonna whup y'all."

RATS - noun.  Entitled power or privilege.
Usage:  "We Southerners are willin' to fat for are rats."

FARN - adjective.  Not local.
Usage:  "I cuddint unnerstand a wurd he sed ... must be from some farn country."

DID - adjective.  Not alive.
Usage:  "He's did, Jim."

EAR - noun.  A colorless, odorless gas (unless you are in LA).
Usage: "He cain't breathe ... give 'im some ear!"

BOB WAR - noun.  A sharp, twisted cable.
Usage:  "Boy, stay away from that bob war fence."

JEW HERE - Noun and verb contraction.
Usage:  "Jew here that my brother from Jawjuh got a job with that bob war fence cump'ny?"

HAZE - a contraction.
Usage:  "Is Bubba smart?"  "Nah ...haze ignernt.  He ain't thanked but a minnit 'n 'is laf."

VIEW - contraction:  verb and pronoun.
Usage:  "I ain't never seed New York City... view?"

HEAVY DEW - phrase.  A request for action.
Usage:  "Kin I heavy dew me a favor? Go bah me that Dash Rip Rock tape"

GUBMIT - Noun.  A bureaucratic institution.
Usage:  "Them gubmit boys shore are ignernt."